The Verizon Voyager

Have you seen this thing? LG basically just went and ripped off the iPhone. Not only did make the outside look like an iPhone but they even setup the menus the same way. Ridiculous. We're not interested in being copycats here at Sue Mobi.. uh, T-Mobile. We innovate, Just take a look at the new T-Mobile Shadow. Yes, it has the same Windows Mobile 6 Operating System that a slew of our other phones have but hey... it's called "The Shadow" and it's sleek and black. That's how you innovate.



Speaking of the iPhone. I picked mine up on my last trip to Germany. This phone is blingtacular. Want to know the real reason why we didn't sign a deal with Apple for the iPhone? Exclusivity. For me. We needed to be sure that I would be the only one with an exclusive legal iPhone on our network. This in turn makes all of our customers have an exclusive. How? Now they're the only ones with a non-at&t cell phone company executive with a legal iPhone running on T-Mobile. You're welcome.

My Personal Shopper

I had to fire my personal shopper today. I want to feel sad about it but unfortunately I only have one emotion which doctors have coined the term “nokes” for to describe it since it’s an emotion I alone seem to have. She is the one responsible for my signature outfits. Who could forget my brown fishing net full body wrap? Or my Versace cat suit? More recently she had teamed up with Elton John’s sunglasses buyer and did some amazing work on getting me the most “bling” frames in an effort to make all the lowly frontline employees drool over my authentic name brand apparel. But as it turns out, my personal shopper (who we’ll just call Disappointment) got knocked up. Yes, I know what you’re thinking “But Sue, new born baby tears is one of your favorite drinks??!!” Well, Disappointment aborted the darn thing! She came to my office in tears going on about something like she thought her job was more important and she just wasn’t ready to be a parent, blah, blah, blah. I fired Disappointment not because she aborted it but rather she didn’t save the aborted fetus! It’s the veal of human beings. Needless to say I had my guards sent in and Disappointment was promptly removed from my presence. I now need to find a new personal shopper. Maybe I’ll find one in Germany…

So Robert Dotson Calls...

So Robert Dotson (T-Mobile's CEO and my boss, on paper anyway) called me this morning to cry about T-Mobile being the new iPhone carrier in Germany. He started ranting and raving about how T-Mobile USA got shafted on the iPhone or something. Honestly, I have a hard time understanding anything anyone that's 5 pounds or more overweight says. It's not personal gluttons... just a sin. Anywho, I finally just cut him off and ask him how the hell he got my number. I mean, come on! The only people that should have my number are Charles Barkley, Sue Nokes, and other A-List celebrities. Doughboy then tried pulling the "technically, I'm your boss" card. I then informed that technically, he's about three seconds away from me jumping over to the Nokes Transporter and beaming over a Fake Sue Bitch Slap. I could feel him sweating with fear. If only I could've had Charles scoop up some of his sweat for me. Fear sweat is a great moisturizer. I told him he needed to do two things:

- Go get a klondike bar or whatever desert he usually has for breakfast and relax.
- Never ever call me again.

I informed Dotson that if Sue Nokes wants to hear his opinion she will give it to him. Now that that's out of the way I can get on with my trip. I'm off to Germany. Gotta go pickup my new iPhone.

-Sue Out!