Ugh, Now Fantasia Is Ruining Sidekicks!

I had just wrapped up my dinner with my good friend Charles Barkley, Lil Kim, Kim Kardashian, Jesus, Dr. Phil, and of course C3PO when I received horrific news regarding the momentum we've been losing with Sidekick sales. The Nokes originally attributed the sales problem was due to us having to recall Motorola's version, The Sidekick Slide. By the way, thanks a lot Moto-Jerks. Momma Sue hasn't forgotten... Momma Sue never forgets. Well, it turns out that the sluggish sales had nothing to do with the Slide. Instead, there's a much bigger and disgusting problem: Fantasia. Yes, the same one who won American Idol a couple of years ago. This celebutard had been snapping up pictures pictures of herself in her underwear with her Sidekick 3. Look at exhibit "A."

Nokes Almighty! Did she have to stick out her tounge? Was tat necessary Fantasia? Maybe it's just stuck in the gap in her teeth. Ugh. I mean, we knew that she wasn't going to be texting or using IM when she bought it. It's not like reading is her strong suite, just look at this story about her reading ability or lack there of. But we never, ever, expected this. This has been on the internet since April. I've had engineering purge all Fantasia's pictures from our servers and when I say purge I mean purge. We've incinerated the computers they were stored on, placed a curse on the ashes, and launched the remains into the sun... the Krypton sun. The Nokes is barring Fantasia from ever owning a picture capable phone again. Ever. In fact below is a picture of the only phone Fantasia will ever be allowed to use on our network.

You just try to step out of line Fantasia and this kid will yell that you're beating him in a crowd and immediately begin to beat his torso until he's dialed my direct line. I'll erase you from pop culture if I have to, just like Catherine Zeta-Jones.

-Nokes Out!

PS Thanks for ruining my 50th blog. Now go learn how to read.