Sunday, October 7, 2007

My Personal Shopper

I had to fire my personal shopper today. I want to feel sad about it but unfortunately I only have one emotion which doctors have coined the term “nokes” for to describe it since it’s an emotion I alone seem to have. She is the one responsible for my signature outfits. Who could forget my brown fishing net full body wrap? Or my Versace cat suit? More recently she had teamed up with Elton John’s sunglasses buyer and did some amazing work on getting me the most “bling” frames in an effort to make all the lowly frontline employees drool over my authentic name brand apparel. But as it turns out, my personal shopper (who we’ll just call Disappointment) got knocked up. Yes, I know what you’re thinking “But Sue, new born baby tears is one of your favorite drinks??!!” Well, Disappointment aborted the darn thing! She came to my office in tears going on about something like she thought her job was more important and she just wasn’t ready to be a parent, blah, blah, blah. I fired Disappointment not because she aborted it but rather she didn’t save the aborted fetus! It’s the veal of human beings. Needless to say I had my guards sent in and Disappointment was promptly removed from my presence. I now need to find a new personal shopper. Maybe I’ll find one in Germany…

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow.