C3P0, the Philippines, and Sodomy

The Nokes thinks she might be sad. Not sure though because I’ve never felt this way but am told by my doctor I show the symptoms. The fact that my doctor suggested I remotely showed signs that “normal” people have every day was cause for his immediate expiration. C3P0 was fired today. That’s my second personal shopper in less than 1 year! For Nokessake! I thought he would be around forever since he’s a gay robot and all but apparently my bike team has converted him after they left my moonbase to set up a commune on the island of Lesbos. Apparently C3P0 is their love slave and straps on that highlighter somewhere and somehow all these bitches get sexual pleasure from his highlighting skills.

Speaking of love slaves let me tell you about the insane decision T-Mobile made. I received some complaints from Sales about our Customer Care sites changing hours of operation and how its affecting customers since they are no longer available 24/7, blah, blah, blah, blah. Normally I would have each of their store tigers turn on them and eat them in front of a family in the store but then I learned that we off-shored a site in the Philippines! What? The Philippines? I had made it clear that our first off-shore site would be in Cuba. I had already promised Fidel the General Manager position and he was in training after stepping down from his presidency! Rest assured The Nokes took care of those that outsourced to the Philippines by sodomizing them with Cuban cigars and fire. In the words of Lil Kim - Puff, puff give motha-fucker!

- Nokes Out!

Wrestling with My Demons

Afternoon Nokesaholics. Don't let the blog title fool you. I don't mean that I was wrestling with some horrible thing from my past. You see, The Nokes doesn't really work out, but when I want to get in some physical activity I actually wrestle with 2 demons that I own. Not only is it good exercise but it scares the hell out of everyone in Washington whenever I bring them into the gym at work. Dotson usually soils himself which aside from the smell (smells like freshly baked donuts) is pretty much hilarious. My good friend Charles Barkley suggested I give my 2 demons a job in HR. I'm definitely taking it under advisement. You may be wondering just how I obtained 2 demons. Let's just say that the Satan has an affinity for my management style.

-Nokes Out!

No Lube For You Suncom

You may have heard about our recent merger with Suncom. If you didn't I'd recommend that for the sake of your face's current configuration you pretend like you did. Anywho, the deal basicaly came about because I, The Nokes, didn't get service while in some Nokesforesaken carribean island that has the balls to call itself a country. I took my gold concord jet straight to the "offices" at Suncom. Their so called office is basically a shed with some wallpaper and shag carpeting. Lil Kim and I stormed in and offered to by them out for 1 billion dollars. These nitwits declined so I then advised them that I was now taking their company for them and all they were going to get was 100 million and a box of pop tarts. They gladly accepted, although I think Kim's glock may have had something to do with that.

So what of the Suncom employees? The plan is to have them limbo for their jobs. It's like giving the entire company a giant titty twister. Nokes style.

-Nokes Out!

The Bitch Is Back!

Nokes here. I was SHOCKED to find out that my blog was no longer being published. Usually I'm the one that does the shocking, preferably while someone is tied up with their feet in a bucket of water that I've connected to a car battery. You know, the usual. I reminded the disgruntled ex-employee author that I still own their soul and that they MUST continue writing. It seems that this moron forgot that while humans are made up of 90% water, The Nokes is made up of 90% bile. So here I am, back in effect as Lil Kim would say. I'll be back a little later to blog about the incredibly long corn-holing we gave Suncom on this merger. Like I said, The Bitch is back, so watch your.. um... back. Yeah.