New Company Incentives/Sweet Justice/New Seperation Procedure

Nokes here. I just had my monthly skin shedding, a glass of chilled tears, and a brilliant idea. Not that anyone is surprised. After all, I think so deep that I eat religion and shit enlightenment. The Nokes' new idea is so great that it will work as new company incentive tool and also process all new separations for corporate schlubs ala John Birrer. What is it? Simple. I've had my right arm replaced with a medieval mace.

Fall below business standards? MACE! Make eye contact with The Nokes while I visit your call center? MACE! Look at my new mace? MACE! I think you get the idea. My new mace or as I call her, Sweet Justice, will also take care of processing all executive seperations. I'm having Lil Kim send out meeting makers as I type. Enjoy your day. BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!!

-Nokes Out!

Oh No He Didn't

So I was sitting at a Park just outside of T-Mobile's HQ, unblinkingly staring at children while suffocating a clown when I was interrupted my one of my Fave 5 contacts: My Good Friend Charles Barkley.



Charles: Thue! Thue! Yousa herda boutsa beer blog.

Nokes: Dammit Charles! I can barely understand a word you're saying. You sound like a drunk Jar Jar Binx. It's Thursday, 4:20pm, do you know what you're interrupting?

Charles: Clown chokins atsa park?

Nokes: Exactly. A blog about beer doesn't sound important. So unless your going to cheer
up The Nokes with news that there actually were casualties in that earthquake that hit California...

Charles: No, Thue... Beer-er. Notsa Beer.

Nokes: John Birrer has a Fake John Birrer Blog? That giant headed son of a bitch! Mama Nokes will deal with him. It's time we deflate that head of his to a somewhat proportionate size.

After hanging up with My Good Friend Charles Barkely I returned my attention to the children. Damn that Birrer. The clown is already passed out and I missed out on their initial cries of panic. I quickly had C3PO save what tears were left and store them to mix with some vodka later. The Nokes has some business to take care of.

In the meantime you can read John Birrer's blog as http://fakejohnbirrer.blogspot.com/ You know, the one that will never be as good as The Nokes'. Go let him know how great I am.

-Nokes Out!

Da Nokes Is Back!

That's right my little ones... All is right once again with the world. The Nokes is back! And judging by the amount of suicide letters I've received from T-Mobile employees, not a moment too soon. I was this close to having enough suicide letters to cover my entire Moonbase. In fact, I was going to stick it out a litle longer but my people cry out for me. Actually, we were starting to become understaffed due to so many employees following through on their letter. Whatevs. Instead I'll just make shower curtains out of the letter, or a diaper for John Birrer.

Speaking of Birrer, has anyone noticed how large this man's head is? Have you any idea how hard it is to sit in a meeting with him and not get caught in orbit by his head's gravitational pull. Just look at this. I had to use such a tiny picture to ensure none of your computers would be sucked into that vortex sitting on top of his neck.
If this isn't proof that this isn't a good I don't know what is. his head is literally taking up 75% of that picture. now don't missunderstand The Nokes. John's a great guy... as long as you're not edible. If he visits your center just do your best to not look edible. I usually use my slimy skin and shady soul to shape shift into an anthrax laced double-edge sword, which just so happens to be my natural shape.