Idiot Complains About T-Mobile On Youtube

Much love to the blog reader that sent over this vid. Free bag of Fake Sue Diamonds is on it's way to you. Not only did this sap make a video complaining about not being able to get a Sidekick LX, he also went all artsy complete with crappy Windows Movie Maker "special" effects and some cheesy piano music from his personal Celine Dion instrumentals collection. If that wasn't bad enough, this half-man half-cholesterol atrocity had the audacity to film himself in his bathtub. The Nokes almost threw up her Giraffe veal dinner. This meatbag was upset because he couldn't get his precious Sidekick LX on the release date even though the 

store had it in stock. 

Money quote: "The Sidekick LX is the latest Sidekick to join the line of Sidekicks, which started with the original"

Yes, funny how most things start with the original.

Let The Nokes break it down for you. The store rep denied you a Sidekick because we don't want you to have one. The Sidekick LX (much like The Nokes) is for the cool and hip. Maybe you were confused and thought it was for fools with big hips. If you're not convinced he doesn't deserve a Sidekick LX feel free to fast forward the video to the 4:23 mark. Just watch Doughboy's face light up as he starts talking about the new World Of Warcraft character he created. The character's name is VonSexi. Unbelievable. 

Listen here nerd, not only will you never ever be allowed to purchase a Sidekick but I'm having your T-Mobile account terminated immediately. Don't pay the bill. The Nokes doesn't even want to be associated with your money. Oh, and should you even try to borrow a friend's Sidekick, I swear with God as my witness, The Nokes will have you skinned and wear you as a coat. 

-Nokes Out

Bennigans & The Spears Family

While visiting a call center today I offered to take the management team there to out to lunch. Their choice of restaurant. Now I didn't actually want to sit down to eat with these people (I usually just eat one large meal a month) but there's no better way to make a group of managers uncomfortable than by confronting them at a sit down restaurant. Try it out sometime. The problem is that they chose some place called Bennigan's.

The first thing I noticed is that the customary rose petals that other centers throw anywhere I step were nowhere to be found. Bad move Kansas. Then I noticed that there is crap all over the walls. A sleigh, a bucket, a marionette? Who the hell decorated this place? Robert Dotson. The Nokes is kiddding, but seriously, did he? I soon realized that this "establishment" is Irish. I assumed that meant we'd all have to eat a bowl of raw potatoes. Instead I ended up with something called a Monte Cristo. It tasted like a bland potato. Actually, I've never had a potato but I'm sure they taste like Monte Cristos. Thankfully I brought my crushed diamond seasoning and platinum utensils.

Eventually I had Kim Kardashian pick me up in the Sue Copter. I'm off to go talk to Britney Spears' little sister . Oh, you didn't hear? She's 16 and pregnant. I'm going to go slap the white trash right out of that family.

-Nokes Out!

C3PO Tries To Make Amends

C3PO got me a little present today. It looks like he's trying to make up for that one hour of my memory that's missing. The Nokes is still not happy about the missing time but this is a start. C3PO got me a pair of gorilla skin mittens. At first I didn't see what was so special about them until C3PO explained that these were made from Koko, the gorilla that uses sign language. Very rare. Only the best for The Nokes. I don't know how he got these but they're fantastic. They're still warm and moist. A matching Koko gorilla skin business suit would've been the icing on the cake. Maybe I'll have something put together for my moonbase. It'll be my Suebaca suit.

Alltel's "Incentive Plan"

I was just finishing up my monthly skin-shedding when I received this video of Alltel's incentive plan for 2007. An Alltel store (or screwshacks as Lil Kim calls them) hit some kind of one day sales record, which for them, probably means they activated a family account with 3 lines on it. So what does Alltel do to reward their employees' hard work? A bonus? Gift cards? Catered lunch? A trip? None of the above. Instead they got to see their loser manager ride his daughter's pink pony stick a block and back.  Way to motivate your employees. I'm sure that news of the manager that rode a pink stick to climax will spread like wildfire throughout Alltel, inspiring productivity to levels previously only seen at the DMV. Just look at this pervert's face. He loves riding this stick. Oh yes Alltel, you're coming for our spot. We're really scared. The Nokes is shaking in her $58,000 house slippers. Even Dotson is sweating over here. There is just gravy everywhere. The Nokes will destroy you fools... destroy you.

PS - Who is still giving their children pony sticks? A Kendo stick, that The Nokes can understand. But a pony stick?

-Nokes Out!