My Fave 5

People are always asking me who's in My Fave 5. This was a top question in our Employee Satisfaction Survey. We all know that I want to keep our employee base happy so here we go, clockwise:

1. The Nokes (w/o glasses) - Sometimes I like to touch base with myself for even more brilliant ideas or to decide which award winning outfit I'll be wearing.

2 Lil' Kim - Original member of my posse. As many of you know she takes care of my dirty work. In return, I ghost write most of her rhymes for her.

3. Charles Barkley - Now, Charles hates that I use his mugshot for his My Faves picture but I happen to think it's an excellent picture. I told him I would change it as soon as he wins an NBA Championship. Ha ha ha!

4. C3PO - My Personal Shopper. You never know when I'll need a new diamond ring, glasses, outfit, or warp core. Whatever strikes my mood.

5. The Nokes (with glasses)- I actually used to take up all 5 spaces in My 5. Each picture was shot from a different angle and a different jewelry set. I call this one whenever I need to create a fantastic new idea. Hotspot @ home began here people.


-Nokes Out

Alltel Visits T-Mobile

Check out the video above. The nerve of this guy. Chad, the jerk from those Alltel commercials thought that it'd be cute to come visit T-Mobile and brag about My Circle. Hey clown, I liked it better when I invented it and called it My Faves. Truth is that Chad is just mad that we wouldn't hire him at T-Mobile. He applied to be a Customer Service Rep but he failed the typing, reading, math, and level-of-obnoxious tests. You should have read this guy's application. Under desired wage he scribbled, "a Case of LA Looks Hair Gel per week." Worst of all, it was written in eyeliner. Oh, and yes... I'm the one that turned on the sprinklers at the end.

-Nokes Out

All I Demand for X-Mas

So here it is again.

My X-mas list -- Remember to keep the Christ out of X-Mas as to not spoil my party which is only a few days away!

Yes, it’s the same one that I’ve had for quite some time now in no particular order:

1. A pet chupacabra
2. The 8th Harry Potter book (the one where he actually dies a horrible death)
3. 10% less air in the atmosphere
4. Schindler’s List (not the DVD, the list)
5. Jesus’ Crown of Thorns (only because I doubt it hurt that bad)
6. A bottle of Julia Roberts smiles
7. Princess Di’s soul
8. A box of Care Bear hearts

I’m only down to 8 items. I was shocked to get a holodeck last year so I wonder what Santa will bring me for 2008! (I secretly have my fingers crossed for Schindler’s List since it will complete my Nazi paraphernalia collection!)

Nokes out!

How I Came Up With Myfaves

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I had a pretty packed day which is saying a lot when you consider that I'm not only the COO of t-mobile but I also have to balance my daily diamond shopping, hanging out with charles barkley, and putting together my smashing outfits. However, yesterday was packed with relaxation. I spent most of the day in my holodeck (yes, I own a holodeck like the ones in star trek) re-living the day I created Myfaves.

Basically there were several people that I didn't want to ever call me. It's not even that I don't like talking to them. I just find their phone voices irritating. Nokes doesn't do irritation. Period. So Myfaves actually began as a way for me to set my phone to block phone calls from my five favorite people not to talk to. As with just about everything t-mobile users enjoy I wrote the preliminary code and took it to the engineers to finish up. Hey, gotta make them feel like they're part of the team or something. Well, some jezebel in marketing thought that Myfaves meant my five favorite people to talk to. Unbelievable! How dare she even think to interpret what I meant simply because I refused to leave any instructions. I looked into having her phone cloned so that we could bill her double but Barkley started blabbing about FCC rules against that kind of thing. Whatever. I finally realized that I had actually invented a great new feature for our customers and promptly gave myself a raise and doubled my stock options. Dotson, as usual agreed. He wanted to go to some crappy restaurant called lil john's and shoot a video to introduce this and "stick together" to all of our emploees. Typical. Food always has to be involved. I let him have this one though.

So that was my day. 10 hours of playing this over and over in my holodeck while sipping on chilled tears. Fantastic.

So Lil Kim Called...

Long time Nokes entourage member Lil Kim called yesterday. She's concerned that im spending too much time with C3PO and that it might break up our posse. A lot of people don't know this but the 'Queen Bee' is actually very sensitive. Normally I trt to associate myself with the most emotionless of people. So why keep her around? Well, on top of being sensitive she can also be a ruthless gangsta. She takes care of some of the Nokes' dirty work. Remember how Catherine Zeta-Jones suddenly disappeared from our ads and Hollywood as well? Lets just say that perjury wasn't the only thing Lil Kim was doing time for. Fret not, I was able to smooth things over. Here's how the conversation went:

Kim: Wazzup Suzie N.? (That's my rap name kids)

Suzie N.: Chillin, chillin. Holding that drizzle on a pizzle, like a a klondike wit a whistle.

Kim: aight, aight. Hey wazzup with you and that gold dude from Star Wars? I seen ya'll been shoppin al P. Diddy style. That's yo' new crew? You forget bout the old posse?

Suzie N.: Kimmie pleaze. We just be catchin' up on that mad fashion flava Nokes missed when I kicked my old assistant shopper to the cizzurb. Me, you, and the rest of the posse still as tight as kid n' play.

Kim: Oh Suzie, Suzie, can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me.

Suzie N.: How 'bout you and Kimora Simmons meet me for lizzunch at Jay Z's 40/40 club in NY.

Kim: aight, aight.

Update On My 25th Year Anniversary Of Being Awake Gala

I wanted to give everyone a quick update on my 25th Year Anniversary Of Being Awake gala. Again this is to celebrate 25 years of me not sleeping, something I started on December 5th 1982. Speaking of that date, a lot of people have asked me (despite my company memo not to ask me any questions for the rest of November) if that date has any significance. I strategically chose December for one reason. I was tired of Jesus and his Christmas stealing my limelight every December. I know that he died, resurrected, and all that but I've been awake for 25 years. 25! I didn't see that in any part of The Bible. Although, to be fair, I've never actually seen a Bible. But I digress. Enough about Him. This is about Me. As you know, I'm holding this shindig at the Garden Of Eden. Very exclusive. I hear I'll be the third person to ever hold an event there. Here's the list of A-List invitees so far:

• Jamie Lee Curtis (We did kind of shaft her on the T-Mobile transition)
• Simon Cowell (such a sweetheart)
• Ghandi
• The Dell Guy
• Hillary Clinton (She needs some campaigning tips from The Nokes)
• The guy from Police Academy that does voices (He does a great Robert Dotson crying.)
• Slimer
• 2 Live Crew
• Gizmo
• Vanilla Ice
  
• Kathy Griffin

More updates with the rest of the guest list to come. I have of course banned that gold digger Catherine Zeta-Jones.


-Nokes Out

The Season of Giving

I just love the holiday season! It reminds me of how appreciated and adored I am. For Thanksgiving I enjoy sitting in my subterranean chamber (some have called it my Bat Cave) all day while I allow T-Mobile employees to stop by and thank me for everything I’ve done for them. You might be thinking, “but Sue, don’t you have an open door policy all year round like most companies?” Well of course I do! The very first door of the three to my private chamber is always open as long as you have the password and give a tiny blood sample! But on Thanksgiving I make it easier for everyone by making the password unnecessary!

Christmas is completely different from Thanksgiving but I enjoy it equally. The week prior to the 25th I bypass the Bat Cave entrance and use what I have learned to be called the “main entrance” to my T-Mobile building. I spend my time walking through the mazes of cubicles and test out my smile, which I’ve been working on since I took over…er.. I mean began employment at T-Mobile. Christmas is called “the season of giving” so why waste money on expensive gifts when the only thing my employees truly want is the opportunity to thank me?

I’ll have to tell you about bringing in the new year on a different blog. It’s bling-tastic!

CNN Money Article About Me...

Checkout this CNN Money article about me here. Even those liberal tater tots at CNN know to bow down to the greatness that is Sue Nokes. Personal favorite quote:

"One rep suggests a feature that lets customers turn off incoming text messages so that they don't have to be charged; another, Sergio Juardo, wonders why T-Mobile.com has no web page in Spanish. Nokes listens carefully, seemingly unfazed by the fact that Juardo's cheek is painted with the words I HEART SUE NOKES."

Booya. The only problem I have with the article is that they airbrushed C3PO out of the picture! Unbelievable. I might have to recall Anderson Cooper's invitation for the shindig at the Garden of Eden.

-Nokes Out

C3PO And I Went Shopping

I was finally able to clear out some time for C3PO to do some shopping for me. Now, I normally don't actually go shopping with my personal shoppers. I don't want to risk any commoner germs getting on me. I mean, just imagine if one of you rubbed up against me. It's just not a risk I'm going to take. Once my shopper buys my clothes they are debriefed and the clothes are sterilized three times before I'll even think about trying them on.

Since C3PO and I have been getting along so well I decided to accompany him. We flew out to New York on the Magenta Jet and had 5th avenue closed down for a few hours. Checkout me and C3PO with one of my new outfits. It was his idea to accent it with the leopard spots which also gave me a great idea as t what to do about the food for my 25th year of being awake anniversary. We're going to do a big cat theme. Jaguar roast, Florida Panther crepes, etc. Any big cat on the endagered species list. Only the best and rarest for the Nokes.

-Nokes Out