Sue's Book Of Secrets

Maybe some of you have seen Nicholas Cage's new abomination: National Treasure, Book Of Secrets. Let The Nokes sum up the movie for you: Nicholas Cage wears a hairpiece and as usual, displays the acting chops of a rolled up piece of paper. You may be wondering why I'm even wasting my multi-million dollar time talking about this. Well, in the movie Cage obtains a book called "The Secret Book Of The Presidents." It's supposed to contain all of the nation's secrets and each President hands it down to the next. This is obviously based on my "The Secret Book Of The Nokes." Whoever let this information out will curse the day they heard the name Nokes.

There are some major differences. First of all, my book is bound by a lock that can only be opened with the Nazi Spear Of Destiny. Second, each page is written in woolly mammoth blood. Do you any idea how hard it is to get woolly mammoth blood? No, of course not. I'll tell you this much, it's a lot harder to get than Do More Get More points. The most important difference is that my book contains the secrets of the entire universe. Secrets that would blow your mind. Secrets like, "how does Sue Nokes never sleep or blink?" "Why magenta?" And so on. Why am I telling you this? Because The Nokes will not be shown up by a movie. Especially a Nicholas Cage movie. Any T-Mobile employee that goes to see this movie will be written up and forced to use a Nokia 3390.